I Can't Go On Without You
by LyricsArePoetry
Summary: A FanFic based around the book Deep Secrets! Losing a twin is the worst thing that could happen to a 15 year old, and desperate times call for desperate measures


_**I can't go on without you**_

Madeleine:

_Oh Grace, my Grace! Why did you have to leave me Grace? I'm so alone without you! You're a part of me, you're half of me, and with you gone, half of me is gone. No one could possibly understand me like you did. No one can know what I'm thinking without me saying anything._

_I tried becoming you, but still in my heart be me, I could be both of us. I can't stop crying, Grace! Now I've finally admitted that I'm Madeleine, I can't stop crying. I finally accepted you're gone and you aren't coming back. It's not fair. It's just not fair! We're twins, identical inside and out. There's two of us - Grace and Madeleine, Madeleine and Grace. I can't be just Madeleine. I can't be. I need you Grace. I need you like the air we breath. We did everything together. Everything! Now I have to look the future alone and I can't, Grace, I just can't!_

_We're twins! No one understand how close we were. No one understands how much I need you. No one knows how lost I am without you. I looked down at our village, now just water. And I know we should be looking down together. Grace, my Grace, I'm not ready to live on my own. Why did you leave me Grace? Why? No one will ever be able to fill the gap that's been in my heart since you left me._

_Every night when I close my eyes, I still see you falling. I hear my scream, and I see you lying lifeless. Every night in my dreams, I see you and lose you all over again. I was dancing with Seth, and you were being chased by Colin, I remember it like it was yesterday. It was such a happy day. We were so happy! Then you fell; and I don't know if I'll ever be happy again. My happiness died with you. You were everything to me, my best friend, my image without a mirror, my twin. We promised nothing would ever come between you, then are 15 years of age, we were permanently pulled apart, and now I have to face the world alone. Of course I have Mum and Dad and Louise, but it's not the same, they aren't you. They could never be you._

_Since you…you left me, I haven't been able to look at Colin. I know that if I look at Colin, I will see a million memories of me and you and losing you and they are too hard to think about. Thinking about us, when there was two of us, is too painful, because it makes me realise how much I am alone without you. Thinking hurts. The past, all the good time, they hurt because they are in the past. The future, Grace, I can't even imagine the future, my future without you. The road of my life has lost direction, and I'm lost and it seems pointless. Now, the present. The present is just like the future, a long lonely road with no direction. Each day is harder than the day before. Waking up each morning gets harder and harder, because it's just another day in a place I don't belong, without you._

_Grace, I need to tell you something, I don't even know if you can hear me, but I have to believe you can, it's all I have. I never loved Colin. I was scared, scared he'd come between us. So I said I loved him, so that he wouldn't come between us. So that he'd be another thing we shared. Do you understand Grace? Tell me you understand why I lied. I didn't want to lose you to a boy. I know it was stupid, I know I shouldn't've lied to you, but, Grace, I had to because I was scared. When I said I loved we made a promise to each other that neither of us would marry him. With that promise I knew I'd never lose you…_

…_I knew I'd never lose you to Colin, I ended up losing you to water and rocks. Part of me really wants to look at Colin and tell him how much you really did love him. But I can't. Mainly because no one knows where he it, but also because even if he was here I couldn't look at him, I couldn't tell him. He doesn't even know I'm Maddy. He's been missing so long, he still thinks I'm you. If he comes back, Grace, I promise you this, I will tell him I'm Madeleine. And I will tell him you, Grace, loved him, but I never did. I need to tell him, for his sake, for my sake, and Grace, for your sake. Colin was always a good friend, he deserves the truth._

_You know, when I look in the mirror, sometimes I see you. Remember Aunt Susan could never tell us apart? She always wondered if we could even tell us apart. Now when I look in the mirror, sometimes I have to reminds myself it's not you looking back at me, it's just my reflection. It's just me. My reflection is the image on you, but it's not you. And it's getting harder to face each day without you. I've started to wonder what I have to live for. All my life, all my memories have both of us. Both of us: Grace and Maddy, Maddy and Grace… I can't have a future without you…_

_Grace I'm coming back to you. I can't go on without you. I can't. I'm going to jump. I'm going to join you. I love you Grace, see you soon…_

Jenny:

_I lost both my twins when Grace died. Maddy may have still been breathing but she was lost. I guess in my heart I knew this would happen. I knew I'd actually lose her. Louise found a note from Maddy saying 'I love you all, but twins should always be together, I need Grace. I'm sorry. Goodbye, Maddy. xXx_

_Were Grace and Maddy reunited in death? I guess that we'll never know, but I know I believe. I hope they are happy and together. Maddy was right, twins should always be together. Fate pulled away both of them, I just pray it left them together._


End file.
